Tragedies

I believe the world was not built for tragedies.  It was not built to sustain sadness, hopelessness, or bitterness.  God created Eden.  Sin entered and Eden turned into the current human condition.

I woke up this morning and checked Facebook briefly - and learned about the bombing that took place at the Boston Marathon.  I actually naturally woke up around 7:15 (a lot earlier than I normally wake up).  After reading a bit about the event, I knew I had to go run.

I'm actually not a very good runner.  I am not very fast, I don't have much endurance, and my form is probably all messed up.  But I really enjoy the solidarity of it.  On days when the Shanghai air is too polluted for me to brave, I enjoy running on my treadmill at home.  Running is one of my favorite ways to clear my mind.  And this morning I had to clear my mind.

Thankfully, the air this morning was actually pretty good, so I decided to do a few laps around the compound.  As I ran, I kept thinking about the people who were touched by evil at Boston.  I wanted God to explain Himself.  To explain to His children why? To what end? For what purpose?  While I kept demanding answers from God, another part of my mind couldn't shake the thought that God is always pleased/satisfied with Himself.  In the past, the "constant" in those two train of thoughts would be the former - that God 'had' to have a good reason for allowing these things to happen.  And if He didn't have a good reason, then He couldn't possibly be pleased with Himself.  But as I continued running and thinking, it dawned on me, that at some point in my life, the "constant" in my two train of thoughts actually switched.  Now the constant was that God is always pleased/satisfied with Himself - that He stands beyond time and knows/has seen/has experienced the fulfillment of all of His promises.  I don't know if there is a single good reason for the bombings at the Boston Marathon.  But I know He is my only refuge in my time of need; indeed, for me, He is the only refuge that cannot and will not be shaken.  Only He is able to provide a good enough answer.  And more and more, I suspect His answer to all of the questions I plan on asking Him (including why tragedies are allowed) will either be, "because I am who I am" or I will completely forget to ask the questions in His presence, being completely satisfied in Him.

After my run, I still didn't have any answers.  But for some reason, the pain in my heart seemed lessened.  It is still a tragedy.  But it is not a tragedy that can defeat or depress our God.  My God wept.  My God weeps.  My God mourns.  But my God is also infinitely satisfied in Himself.  He knows the answer.  He knows He is the answer. 

Thank You Lord for being my refuge, our collective refuge, our salvation, and our hope.