It's difficult living by yourself. It's worse when you decide to go down memory lane and be wistful, sentimental, nostalgic, etc...
I can still remember how things used to be. The images may not be vivid, but the feelings I felt back then come trickling back into my mind. I don't know why, but I've been watching a lot of Miyazaki stuff lately, and it really blows my mind how much I associate my childhood with certain of his movies. How my sister and I would fight over watching either Kiki's Delivery Service or Castle in the Sky.
I can't go back to then, but I thank God for those memories. And for the loved ones who make the memories that much more special. It's been forever since I've prayed for them... maybe that's why I've been feeling so off lately.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Time flies...
And the old lady in the subway station is once again selling those little fragrant white blossoms.
In 3 days I'll be 27. My father had my sister at 27 (ok, he was shy two months of his 27th birthday when he had her).
It's weird, but in my mind, my dad's always known the answer. If not the answer, he at least knew how to get to the answer. But if he was anything like me at 27... there was no way he was prepared to be a father. At 27, my father probably had little to no idea of how to be a father, he was only beginning to learn how to be a husband, and he probably just got his first small inkling of how to be a man. The thought would be somewhat comforting to me, if I could say the same about myself at 27 (I think most sons tend to measure themselves against their fathers).
I always tell people that I'm *insert whatever age* going on 17, and it's true. In my mind, I'm still 17 and it's still high school. I have no responsibilities and I really don't want any. If life is the journey that is supposed to grow boys into men, men into husbands and husbands into fathers, then I think (or rather, I'm sure) I'm still at the very early stages of that journey.
Maybe, one day in the distant future, I'll wake up and realize I'm a man, a husband, and/or a father but have no recollection of how I got to be those things. Or maybe I've already taken my first few steps away from boyhood, but I just haven't realized it yet (*highly unlikely IMHO*).
Or maybe I'm just thinking too much... or maybe not? But maybe... maybe I'll ask my dad. Then maybe I'll ask my Dad in heaven. And maybe I'll remember to thank him and Him for loving me.
In 3 days I'll be 27. My father had my sister at 27 (ok, he was shy two months of his 27th birthday when he had her).
It's weird, but in my mind, my dad's always known the answer. If not the answer, he at least knew how to get to the answer. But if he was anything like me at 27... there was no way he was prepared to be a father. At 27, my father probably had little to no idea of how to be a father, he was only beginning to learn how to be a husband, and he probably just got his first small inkling of how to be a man. The thought would be somewhat comforting to me, if I could say the same about myself at 27 (I think most sons tend to measure themselves against their fathers).
I always tell people that I'm *insert whatever age* going on 17, and it's true. In my mind, I'm still 17 and it's still high school. I have no responsibilities and I really don't want any. If life is the journey that is supposed to grow boys into men, men into husbands and husbands into fathers, then I think (or rather, I'm sure) I'm still at the very early stages of that journey.
Maybe, one day in the distant future, I'll wake up and realize I'm a man, a husband, and/or a father but have no recollection of how I got to be those things. Or maybe I've already taken my first few steps away from boyhood, but I just haven't realized it yet (*highly unlikely IMHO*).
Or maybe I'm just thinking too much... or maybe not? But maybe... maybe I'll ask my dad. Then maybe I'll ask my Dad in heaven. And maybe I'll remember to thank him and Him for loving me.
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