For and With

Sometimes I'm convinced that God wants me to do something great for Him.  A task so amazing that my accomplishing it will undoubtedly bring great glory to Him.

I have no idea what that task is.

In fact, the more I think about it, it seems presumptuous of me to believe that my actions are going to be the root cause of His glory increasing.  As if His glory needs any increasing at all...

So then I think, maybe I can do something great with God.  Some monumental task that requires His immense power to accomplish and will, because of the display of His enormous power, bring Him the glory He is due. 

And then I think, well, what task exists in this world which requires both His limitless power and my meager contribution?  After all, if I am to partner with God, then I think my part, however small, must still be absolutely necessary for the task's accomplishment, or else, it's not really a partnership.  

Then again, how can I even claim any credit for any of my possible contributions when He is my ultimate creator?  

And then I think... What if the greatest, most difficult task God wants to work on with me... is me?  I mean, I can't make myself exhibit more of the fruit of the spirit - I can't will my heart to be more kind, gentle, faithful, joyful, etc...  On the other hand, can I really reject perfect love?  

For now, I will err on the side of "irresistible grace."

Anyways... Dubai with my uncles from Tainan was a blast.  Just a lot of silly banter among three adults who still have a tremendous capacity to just be boys.  

Another gift undeserved - just like my ability to think.  Thank You.

Control

On Monday, 3 days ago, my fiancée was in a taxi on her way to Pudong airport when the taxi driver collided with a parked car on the highway.

When she told me, anger, confusion, and relief all washed over me at the same time.  I had just been with her less than 24 hours ago - I took a spur-of-the-moment trip to surprise her - how quickly things can change in less than a day.

I remember back in February when my parents came to pick me up at the Houston airport, my parents told me how they narrowly avoided getting into an accident.  The weather for the past few days had been unusually cold in Texas, and on a highway bridge, my mom drove over some ice and the car started sliding.  Thankfully, they were driving the smaller car and not the Toyota SUV. 

I remember my own brush with death on the highway - I was behind a car that swerved suddenly in front of an 18 wheeler on the next lane to the right.  I had never before come so close to being involved in a major accident.

Life is unpredictable.  For me, to continue to live in joy each day is an exercise in surrender.  Not in surrendering to my fears, but in surrendering to my hope of eternity.  Because, if I had lost my fiancée, my parents, or even my own life, there would have been nothing that could have "restored" me.  But if there were a way, what would the restoration restore me to?  Further future deadly accidents? Sickness?  Grief?  No, I'm convinced that my soul yearns for and demands perfection.  No more death.  No more sickness.  No more tears.  That's why I need to surrender to my hope in something more - the Kingdom to come.

After the initial emotions I encountered on Monday, I felt an incredible sense of gratitude.  Thankful that she was safe; thankful that I had her in my life; thankful that I had a life.  

And thankful that, even should the worst tragedy happen - it is not the end of the story.  That there will be a day with no more tears and no more pain - because the Lord has spoken. (Isaiah 25:8)

Thank You for that day.  Come, Lord Jesus, come.

I am a sinner...

I am a sinner, if it's not one thing, it's another;
caught up in words, tangled in lies.
You are a savior, and you take brokenness aside,
and make it beautiful... beautiful.

"Brokenness Aside" by All Sons & Daughters.

He loves.  He lives.  He reigns.  Forever.

Oceans

My Swedish friend reminded me that I have a blog (and that I haven't uploaded in a long long time). 

Since my last post, I've started a 6 month secondment in Abu Dhabi for one of my firm's clients.  The past two months in Abu Dhabi have been... interesting.  Trying to plan a wedding through Skype has been... interesting.  Going through pre-marriage material over long distance has been... interesting.  Juggling the changes in attitude, in mindset, and in relationships because of distance has been... interesting. 

Technically, my fiancee and I are on the same contiguous land mass (she is in China and I'm in the Middle East), but it does feel like there is an ocean separating the two of us.  And the physical distance has, in some instances, translated to emotional and spiritual distance.  All this to say that, long distance sucks. 

But long distance can also be incredibly focusing - in the brief moments that my fiancee and I do have together (because of time differences and different work weeks), we can be incredibly aligned, efficient, and effective in our cooperation.  The issues occur when our communication breaks down.  If I'm having a bad day, or if I have something stuck in my mind, I don't pay as much attention to the non-verbal communication of my fiancee when I'm Skyping with her, and that can lead to some very avoidable conflicts.  And when those conflicts flare up, it's harder to explain things and resolve conflicts through Skype as compared to in-person.  

So it has been a growing process.  For both of us.  

And we've made up our mind that we will definitely be living together after we get married.

Here's Oceans by The Digital Age - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi9If3vt83c

Thank You for teaching us. Thank You for forgiving us and helping us to forgive each other.