Day 30 and 31 (Tuesday March 15 and Wednesday March 16)

Thank God.

I haven't been feeling very thankful since coming back from Singapore. It's been very difficult to wake up the past 2 days and feel any sense of excitement for the upcoming day. There's a deep sense of loss within me that I just can't explain. I feel like something is very very wrong with my life, but I just can't quite pin it down. I've felt this way before, but this time around, there's a sense of urgency along with my sense of loss. Something within me is screaming at me to leave Shanghai and go back to the U.S. To forget about the consequences and just go home. I feel like it's getting harder and harder for me to pretend that Shanghai is my home. I've found a community here that I really love, but there's just something about this place that drains away at my sense of well-being.

I'm so tired.

I thank God for friends and family. They got me through it the last time around, and I can only hope that they help me get through it this time around as well. Whatever "it" is.