If only. If only I was taller, if only her hair didn't catch on my glasses every time she leaned in, if only I had the courage to monopolize her attention (and if only I had the freaking arrogance to do so).
*(Sigh*, she was beautiful, more than I could ever expect to pay attention to the likes of me - not that I have a low self-esteem when it comes to myself, but she was... she is... she is beautiful. (they invariably all are) And the combination of alcohol and so much more (hips, skins, whatever) drove me to follow her as she tested my self-confidence and resolve again and again (I'm not THAT stupid).
If only. jajaja, IF ONLY.
In retrospect, losers go home alone and winners go home with the prom queen (copyright "The Rock"). But then again... winners also tend get divorced after a couple of years.
It's too hard to pretend to be something I'm not - I like being alone, I like dwelling in my own thoughts, I like drinking, I like dancing with random strangers, and above all... I LOVE Jesus, but I like to sin, I...
I am not perfect - and I haven't been for the past 26 years. But yet HE still loves ME.
Thank YOU for loving me. And really... I'm so so sorry - until the next time I meet an incredibly cute girl. Until the next time I'm tempted. Until the next time... THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME.
I have to lead Cell Group tomorrow... PRAY.
It's great that you know He loves you, but do you love Him?
ReplyDeleteI always get a little uncomfortable when I read this post. I don't like to be reminded that I am capable of sinking into such despair. But God is good to save me from myself.
ReplyDeleteI do love Him. Though I do forget sometimes.